Are you overdosing on intimacy?
It’s so cute. You have matching electric toothbrushes, you finish each other’s sentences and you spot each other when you’re doing bench presses. But do you live in each other’s matching trackie dak pockets? If so, it’s time to stop sharing absolutely everything and get a life. Take Fiona Sandiford's quiz to find out if you’re OD-ing on intimacy.
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| 1. | You are invited to a dinner party with your beau but he can’t make it. How do you RSVP? |
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You call your friend and say, “I’m so sorry Sam can’t make it on Saturday, but I’d love to come.” |
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You message your friend from your joint email account (sam’n’sarah@hotmail.com) to say: We’re afraid we can’t make it on Saturday because we’re having a detox week. We’re going alcohol, dairy and gluten free but thanks for thinking of us :-). |
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How are you supposed to know what he’s doing? You’re not a mind reader. You RSVP for yourself and assume he’ll do the same. |
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| 2. | Your weekly exercise routine is… |
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A walk, a run and a yoga class. Getting some solo time helps you clear your head. |
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A 30-minute jog with your man every second morning. Having him there helps spur you on. He’s your trainer, lover and best bud all in one. Sometimes life can be just peachy. |
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Six nights sweating it out at the gym. You don’t want to waste your membership and you pride yourself on having a to-die-for bod. |
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| 3. | Your sex life is… |
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Sporadic, but there’s more to life than bonking. |
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Fine, thanks – not that it’s anybody’s business. |
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The talk of the town. Your friends know how big it is, how long it lasts and that cute thing he says as he’s about to come. |
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| 4. | What were you doing yesterday at noon? |
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Calling him to arrange your daily lunch meet – is it the corner café or the food hall today? |
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Eating homemade focaccia at your desk – again. |
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Sending him a cheeky email saying you couldn’t wait to see him after work. |
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| 5. | Have you ever had a beauty treatment with your man? |
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You have your bikini line waxed while he gets his back done. You’ve also got his’n’hers loyalty cards, entitling you to the tenth treatment free. 0 |
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Does brushing your teeth while he’s in the shower count? |
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Never. He thinks you wake up looking like that every day, and that’s the way you like it. You’d be embarrassed for him to see you without make-up. |
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| 6. | How many times do you call him per day? |
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You don’t – you wait for him to call you. |
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Just whenever you need to, maybe once or twice. |
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Four times or more. |
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| 7. | If someone called your answering machine, what would they hear on your outgoing message? |
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Him: Hey, you’ve called Sam and… You: Sarah. Please leave a message and have a nice day! |
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You: Thanks for calling. Please leave your message after the beep. |
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Just a beep. Well, people know the form these days. |
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| 8. | What does your current man know about your past boyfriends? |
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That you dated a couple of nice but boring guys, had a few flings and got your heart broken once. |
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Nothing. As far as you’re concerned it’s on a need-to-know basis and he does not need to know anything right now. |
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He knows their names, star signs, penis sizes and the strange and unusual cruelties each one inflicted on you before he came to your rescue. |
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| 9. | What were you thinking about the last time you had sex? |
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Your ex. |
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You wondered if the neighbours could see – and hoped they could. |
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How turned on your boy was making you feel. |
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| 10. | You receive an email joke and think your man would find it funny. You… |
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Forward it to him, adding a quip at the top. |
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Forward it to him and several friends in a group email. |
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Forward it to him and several friends, adding a private joke to him. |
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| 11. | You are on the toilet when he shouts, “Where are my cufflinks honey?” He’s left them beside the bathroom sink. You… |
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Yell: They’re in here, come and get ’em! – you’re way over caring if he sees you mid-performance. |
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Yell: I’ll bring them out in a minute, it’s a bit toxic in here! |
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Have locked the bathroom door and will bring them out after you’re done. |
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| 12. | Do you know the colour of your boy’s eyes? |
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Of course, and you love gazing into them. |
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Yes, they’re the same colour as yours, and they look even cuter first thing in the morning when he’s got bits of ‘sleep’ in them. |
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Er, brown. Is this a trick question? |
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| 13. | Who buys his underpants? |
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He does, of course. |
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You do, on birthdays and Christmas. |
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You (and his mum). |
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| 14. | Do you ever go watch him play footy? |
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Sometimes you surprise him by showing up, but only if you’re not catching up with your friends. |
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No, it’s on at the same time as your Tai Chi lesson. |
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Every weekend without fail. You’re his ickle cheerleader. |
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| 15. | What photos of you two do you have around the house? |
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The baby pics, the wedding pics and the framed nude, black and white shots you had taken together while you were pregnant – all are hung along the hallway. |
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They’re still in the camera and you haven’t got around to having them developed yet. |
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A few pissed nights captured on a Polaroid adorn your fridge door. |
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| 16. | What do you talk about after sex? |
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Usually something silly, but it doesn’t matter because you’re basking in the post-orgasm glow. |
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How the crack in the ceiling has become worse over the last month and you really should get it fixed. |
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You’re on the mobile to you best friend, telling her that new technique she was telling you about really worked. |
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| 17. | What’s his cutest bodily quirk? |
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That little mole on his butt cheek. Oh, and the way he can raise one eyebrow at a time. |
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The freckles on his back that make the shape of the Southern Cross, the tufts of hair on his toes, the way he can stick his tongue up his right nostril… you could go on all day. |
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The way his eyes well up whenever you talk about travelling around the world - alone. |
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