Which relationship ride are you on?
Love is like a carnival. It can either be a thrill a minute or ghost-train scary. If your relationship is a bit rocky, or stuck in a rut, you could need help. Take Fiona Sandiford's revealing quiz to find out whether you’re on a dangerous curve…or if you’ve already gone off the rails.
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| 1. | Your man wants to postpone a romantic weekend to go golfing with his pals. How do you react? |
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A) You sigh and agree to do it the weekend after. You came to terms with his obsession for sand wedges and five-irons a long time ago. At least he’s not having an affair. |
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B) The two of you have a furious row swiftly followed by an earth-shattering shag-and-make-up session. But you still haven’t resolved the issue… |
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C) You feel crestfallen, suspect he doesn’t really want to spend time with you, then tell yourself you’re being paranoid. |
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D) You call the real estate agent to cancel the cottage you’ve booked. Anything to avoid a row as it inevitably ends in tears. Your tears. |
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| 2. | You’re at dinner with friends and one of them mentions your ex, who had a dodgy past selling drugs. How does your man react? |
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A) He rolls his eyes and acts bored. |
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B) He doesn’t say anything but he’s seething and he’ll bring it up later. You know it’s awful, but you’re secretly turned on by his jealousy. |
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C) He is slightly surprised. You haven’t mentioned your ex to him, but he makes a ‘blow’ joke, which goes down like a lead balloon. |
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D) He’s indifferent. After all, your ex is a mate of his. |
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| 3. | The last time you two shed your clothes and got horizontal, you… |
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A) Did it in the missionary position for 20 minutes (for the second time that week). |
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B) Forgot about the last row you had as the endorphins kicked in. |
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C) Did it three times in a night, but that was a fortnight ago. |
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D) Weren’t really in the mood but did it anyway. You knew he’d sulk otherwise. |
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| 4. | You’re both at the beach and a woman walks past with huge, obviously fake, breasts. Your man… |
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A) Pretends he’s not looking but has a sneaky perv. |
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B) Starts talking loudly about last year’s business trip to Silicon Valley. |
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C) Has his tongue almost lolling in the sand. It seems like a year ago that he was nicknaming your norks the yummy honeydews. |
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D) Can’t hide his admiration and offers to buy you a pair of your own. |
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| 5. | Picture his best mate. Now complete the phrase: He… |
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A) Spends most weekends at your place on the PlayStation, drinking beer and drinking beer and smoking ciggies. |
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B) Keeps going on about how he can’t believe you’re still together, especially since you’re so volatile. |
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C) Hasn’t met you yet. |
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D) Is you. |
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| 6. | When arguments flare up, what are they most commonly about? |
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A) Not putting a new loo roll in after finishing the old one. Surely it’s not that monumental a request. Will he ever learn? |
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B) Money, sex, family, the washing-up. Shall we go on? |
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C) Having been together for so long, there’s nothing much to argue about. Come to think of it, there’s not much to say to each other at all these days. |
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D) You try to avoid arguing at all costs. He has a vile temper and he’s always right. |
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| 7. | When you go out for dinner, who usually orders the wine? |
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A) Neither of you. You always have the 2000 chardonnay and the waiter knows that because you dine there every Friday. |
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B) Whoever wins the scramble for the wine list. |
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C) You’ve stopped drinking champers and taken to ordering separately as you have different taste in wines. |
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D) He’s always going on about being a wine connoisseur, so it’s easier to just let him choose without making an issue of it. |
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| 8. | What kind of joke is he likely to tell? |
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A) One-liners are not his forte, but he always cracks you up with his impersonation of Steve Irwin. |
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B) The one about your hot mum. |
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C) The one about the black lesbian in the wheelchair. |
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D) The one about your bum being too big…at your sister’s wedding. |
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| 9. | He just avoids hitting a puppy with his car. He… |
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A) Jumps out to check the duco on his Magna hasn’t been damaged. |
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B) Blames you for fiddling with the CD while he was changing gears. |
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C) Pretends nothing’s happened. |
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D) Slams on the brakes and shouts about the only good dog being a dead dog. |
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| 10. | How would you rate him in terms of looks? |
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A) He’s got lovely, friendly eyes. |
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B) He’s gorgeous, especially when he’s angry. |
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C) When you first met in the club, you thought he was sexy and looked a bit like Russell Crowe. Somehow he’s morphed into Russell Coight. |
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D) He spends more time in front of the mirror than you do and agonises over whether he’s going to get ingrowns on his waxed chest. |
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| 11. | When it comes to sex, he’s generally… |
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A) On autopilot. |
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B) An animal. |
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C) Asleep. |
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D) Ringing your friend. |
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| 12. | The last time you switched on your phone and there was an SMS from him, what did it read? |
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A) Pls can U pick up my dry-cleaning on ur way home? |
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B) Sorry bout last nite. U r my world. XXX |
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C) We need to talk. Meet u 4 lunch? |
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D) Where r U? |
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| 13. | His family generally views you… |
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A) In their photo album. |
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B) As a hero for taking on their wayward son. |
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C) As an amusing interlude. |
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D) As a kept woman. |
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